And as my year of chronic dating continued, I encountered this more and more.
Colleagues suggesting that I should lock a guy up quickly because I was “lucky” that a man wanted me. Another expressing shock when I showed him a photo of a man I was dating because he was so “fit” (implying that I wasn’t).
“Wow, is he interested in you?” A friend of a friend told me over a drink. “I’m surprised so many men want you, considering your size. ”
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It was an endless outpouring of other women questioning my worth.
The point is, if you’re tall, you’re supposed to be ashamed of yourself. You’re supposed to be calm and dull and lacking in self-confidence and if you just allow yourself to exist as a normal woman, well, it makes other people feel uncomfortable. If you don’t constantly make self-deprecating jokes about yourself, or if you don’t constantly talk about a diet that you are trying, or how you would like men to notice you, then you are not playing the game. Game.
You are not a tall woman should to be; you are not sorry and invisible.
Truth be told, women are the best at defending unrealistic beauty standards and the patriarchy that created them.
We can be the worst perpetrators of these crimes.
Throughout the ages, particular body types have been the focus of women, and they to do change (think the Kardashians who tapped into the fat bums). I understand that if you are a woman who has worked so hard to be attractive by traditional standards, seeing another woman not conforming and achieving the same results must be frustrating.
I understand, this is a complex question.
But I’ve learned that when women give me these comments, it’s not about me at all. It is about them and their problems. These are often years of diet and deprivation, gym and jogging, never reaching an impossible level.
These standards of beauty never get us to a point of contentment, as the bar will always keep moving. So, seeing myself well in my skin, I understand well for some women that it is triggering. But it’s not my job to take on that.
Trust me, just be you, in the body that suits you best and let others be themselves. I know it’s a tired trope, but self-confidence is sexy, being yourself is still attractive and having a date has nothing to do with your weight, I’m living full proof!
You can follow Mary Rose Madigan on Instagram here.
Characteristic image: Provided.
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